Cornelius Cornwallace & Gorgeous & Wicked
It started on a sunny afternoon, when my mother was working on the onions fields during the downfall of communism.
She was picking up inions, when a man came and lifted up her skirt and smiled at her.
He said: “I am a hero, we need to make a baby and that baby will kill the president.”
The onion woman was very impressed with his bravery and offered her ‘special flower’ to him.
yOh, yeah. They had the most wonderful and steamy and sexy two minutes of their lives.
The seed had been planted.
And I’m not talking about onions.
Well, what can I say, he was a rebel not a Bed Lord.
So 10 months later the baby finally came out. Reluctantly, kicking and screaming bloodily into the world.
They were all happy and shit, but they did not know that it would not last.
Meanwhile in Sweden, cool folk were listening to metal
But they did not know that Guardian of the Order or Orderly Things was watching them. And one night, when they were away stealing onions, their baby got snatched away from her craddle!
The Guardian named the baby, Peasant Girl, and forced her to clean her room DAILY!
So Peasant Girl grew up in a world of ironing your socks and changing your panties twice a day.
But her true nature would soon come to light.
15 years passed in doing nothing when Peasant Girl had enough and cooked the Guardian in a great pot of onion stew.
For whatever reason she loved onions.
She decided to find her true parents. But…
But her true parents were killed by the system. Slapping them to death with a jet of awful pig farts.
Meanwhile in Sweden, cool peeps explored best restaurants.
So Peasant girl went to find the ginormous pig that farted her parents to death.
She found it. Castrated him, thus taming him to her service.
She saddled up the pig and rode to the sunset with it. When suddenly having the inexplicable urge to kill the president.
So she turned around with the pig and…
So Peasant Girl rode on the pig, she was applying lipstick when suddenly she hit something.
She wanted to abandon whatever animal she ran over, but felt weirdly generous and glanced at the animal.
And that animal was Barack Obama.
She helped him up and dusted him off.
He’d been on the way to organize a community.
Being a politician, he suggested she apply lipstick to her pig.
She did, and the pig turned into a beautiful strech limo in the shape of a pig.
They rode together to chicago, where her long lost son was giving a speech.
Her son had come to be known as George W Bush.
And they killed Obama.